Albus's Fun Run
by KrazyKimmy
Summary: Albus sets his teaching staff on a run for charity. Much to their... annoyance, Severus, Remus and Minerva get roped in. Falls, laughs and sweat included; who else is for a circuit around Hogwarts?  also their all dressed up, LOL   Now finished!
1. So I'm a Genie? Do I get a wish?

A dream I had. XD

He was bored. Very bored. He didn't have to do anything to any brewing potions; he couldn't really be bothered to make any potions just to throw them away, he'd finished marking all his papers...

he was bored.

Severus Snape was not really renowned for his patience, and this was no exception. It seemed that as he got more and more bored, he got more and more angry.

He'd read all his books; and each time he went to reread one the ending would flood into his mind, ruining the book.

He honestly could not think of anything to do with his Sunday.

He paced his office, not really wanting to go outside. There would be people. People equalled students, students equalled trouble. Teachers were just annoying.

"Ah, Severus. I thought I'd find you here." Minerva McGonagall poked her head around his door. HIS door to HIS PRIVATE dungeon. What, wasn't the Gryffindor tower cold enough? He sneered at the thought.

"Um, Headmaster has ordered all teachers to take part in a charity run." She admitted nervously.

"What?" Severus drawled, then turned to face the enchanted stained glass 'window' "What charity?" He was honestly confused.

"Um, honestly? Not sure. Personally I think its just so paying students get to watch us embarrass ourselves." Minerva fidgeted nervously.

Severus sat down at his desk. "Well you can tell the headmaster to stuff his charity run-"

"Good. So you can stay and look after Sybil." Minerva interjected. "She's been at the sherry again and-"

Severus abruptly stood up. "You know- I like running." His face twisted into something resembling a smile. "Just let me go change." A disgruntled self-pitying frown came over Severus.

"Ummm." Minerva reached out a hand after Severus. "Not necessary. Albus kindly has stuff for us to wear. Great, ay?" Minerva had a similar expression of fear and hopelessness as the potions master.

"as long as its not too colourful." Severus said, 'manning up' and leading the way out of his nice, comfortable dungeons.

Oh, boredom was a delightful, non active, hobby Severus wished he could continue.

In the staff room, Filius and Remus were already wearing gaudy swimming shorts. Remus's were blue and had white palm trees on, Filius's were rainbow stripes.

Severus dreaded wearing something like that.

"Ah, Minerva, you managed to entice Severus then?"

Severus gave a weak smile.

"Here's your outfit Minerva, my dear." Dumbledore handed her a white something folded up, "and Sev, yours." Albus held out a black something, that when Severus took it, turned out to be genie-type, tulle fabric, sheer trousers. They had a black cotton waistband, and elasticated ankles, but were sheer everywhere else. EVERYWHERE else.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Pray, what do I wear underneath?"

From behind him, Rolanda Hooch smothered a giggle. "I think these, Sevvy."

Severus turned around, and saw Rolanda picking up what looked like an incredibly small legged pair of underwear.

"Uhh-?" Severus turned around, and Albus nodded.

The potions master reluctantly took them, "Speedo's?" He read off the side.

'What is this?' he mouthed to Minerva, as he got dressed behind a chair, feeling like a child in gym class.

'nooo idea' Minerva mouthed back from behind a sofa.

Minerva looked down at herself, then up at Albus. He raised an eyebrow.

Severus walked out from behind his chair.

He scratched his head as he looked in the full length mirror.

His chest was bare, and underneath the sheer trousers his speedo's were tight, and visible. He blushed, then looked at his body in general. He looked like a male genie. Sighing, he took the hair band that had been folded into the trousers, and put his hair in a low ponytail. He looked like a flipping twat.

"No, no Severus!" Albus called from across the room.

Looking up in the mirror, Severus saw a man with a long white beard in a hawaiian (too) colourful shirt and swimming shorts walking over to him.

Yanking out the scrunchie, Albus gently finger-combed Sev's hair into a high ponytail position. He then put the hair-band on painfully tight until Severus was sure that his hair had fallen out, he'd felt so many strands break.

"There, that looks much better." Albus gave an umbridge-like smile then went over to torture someone else.

Minerva stiffly walked over in a white tennis outfit, her hair curled in tight ringlets so it framed her face, with bright pink eyeshadow and dark red lips.

"I think Trelawny might get a babysitter after all." She said, her head jerking stiffly as she spoke.

"Heh. And don't you look nice." Severus put extra emphasis on 'look nice'.

Minerva glared at him, tugging on her skirt as if willing to to grow longer. "my knees are showing, my legs are awful, and this bloody top is no more than a bra." she complained, "though at least i'm not minnie mouse."

severus had a sudden mental image of Mineva in red polka dots with giant circular ears atop her head.

"SEVVY! WE MATCH!" Rolanda hooch screeched across the staff room. She walked over every bit and Arabian belly dancer.

Her face was hidden by a pink sheer veil, and she wore a pink bra that had a veilly thing on it, so her midriff was slightly obscured. She wore the same type of genie pants as Severus except hers were pink.

"Your hair...?" Severus asked, seeing as it was loose in soft brown curls to her waist, instead of her usual white cropped do.

"Filius." She waved away the question.

"Naaw," Rolanda giggled, "Look at you." she then rubbed his bare, hairless chest, then blushing heavily and giggling; she ran off to annoy someone else.

"Firewiskey." Minerva and Severus concluded at the same time.

Shaking their heads at each other; and inside laughing, the two reluctant teachers made their way out of the staff room, and allowed themselves to be herded by Dumbledore to the great hall.

"I still think our other fund raiser was better." Severus admitted to Minerva, as he attempted to ignore the laughs of onlooking students and the giggles of Rolanda as she kept trying to hug him and ...*shiver* worse.

"Yes Severus." Minerva sighed, disapproving, "yet not everyone is as at ease as you with charming students outside at half past midnight only in their bedclothes and making them all pay a galleon to get back in or leave them to stay the night outside. Some might even call it cruel, you know?"

Severus smiled, "My dear Minerva, you have so much to learn." He patted her on the arm, then walked up the Dumbledore.

"Hello Severus." Albus said, smiling, blue eyes twinkling mischievously. He then turned around to address the teachers, and the student body that appeared to have apparated out of no-where.

"Right. This is what will be happening." He clapped his hands. "Teachers, we will be running along the forbidden forest to the gates, then along the wall, well. Obviously not along the wall, but beside the wall then around to the Quidditch pitch, then we will swim a section of the lake. Okay? Okay! Students, all whom watch us will be paying three galleons. We're a charmed procession so you'll be dying to pay tomorrow when we come around with the collection boxes at meal times. Anyone who sees us, will turn blue." Albus then swung his wand around his head like a lasso, and Severus could see the students closest to him had indeed turned a light cyan shade. "So there'll be no denying you watched us." Albus laughed.

In a general grumble of 'I'm gonna kill albus' and 'come on, this'll be fun' the teachers set off. Not at a particularly fast rate, more of a jog than anything; but still fast enough to establish who was fit and who wasn't.

Up front were the werewolf, the animagus and Severus; lacking at the back were Flickwick and Ponoma. Rubeus Hagrid was thundering along in the middle with Dumbledore and even Poppy Pomfrey was joining in. Aurora Sinestra, Rolanda Hooch and Irma Pince were keeping good speed together, not really conversing, but keeping up just behind the front three.

"Hey, Sev-" Minerva said between breaths, "How come … you're keep... ing up?"

Severus looked from her to Remus, who seemed interested.

"Running away... from people... has proved... use...full. Where'd … this bloody... hill come from?" He answered and asked.

Minerva laughed, trilling and high, then sprinted ahead.

"Bloody...athletic... kitten" Remus muttered, moving over the run with Severus.

"Oh, I may- have edited our path, a bit!" Albus voice shouted forward with annoying innocence.

Severus turned around and run backwards, attempting to glare at Dumbledore. It rather failed, as he couldn't sustain his glare when half a dozen students that had spontaneously joined in the run started gossiping at the sight of his bare chest and general appearance.

Severus turned back around and cast a worried glance at the werewolf who seemed fine half naked.

The dungeon, in all it's cold glory, with his multiple layers of clothing and clocks seemed very enticing now; never mind how bored he was.


	2. Kiss the Cook

Severus was beginning to lag a bit as he heavily plodded one foot in front of the other along the forbidden forest.

However, each time he let the damned werewolf run in front of him; his view of Minerva in her... rather short... skirt was disrupted.

He reasoned to himself, if he was going to be made to do this- he might as well have some incentive to keep up.

He frowned as Albus ran past him, wearing front the front what simply seemed to be a chefs hat and white apron that said 'kiss the cook', yet as Albus ran in front of Severus his pink swimming (almost hot-pant) shorts were somewhat obvious in that glaring shade of Fuchsia.

How in the name of Merlin could a man seventy years older than him run past him?

Pomona too, passed him; and Severus couldn't help it.

He laughed, but come on! How often do you get to see the slightly chubby herbology professor in a black suit with shades.

""Shut up Severus!" She hollered back at him.

He sighed, and caught up with her.

"Thats not very nice." He replied, smiling.

"If rolanda rubs your tummy again, you gonna let her have a wish?" The woman smiled and dropped back, leaving severus dumbfounded,

he promptly tripped over a tree root, and, much to the students amusement, in the air above him Albus's writing began to appear.

"Severus nil, trees one."

"Come on Severus!" Filius called as he by-passed him.

Severus sighed, and shook his head.

Hagrid was the most noticable now in front, thundering along in his skirt and beret. (obviously he had a top on too...)

Sighing again, and rubbing his knee; he turned his head as he listened to one of the blue students next to him.

"Say that again." He drawled, stepping closer to them.

The hufflepuff repeated herself, and much to her friends amusement Severus clapped her on the shoulder and took the shortcut she had just described, behind the greenhouses then straight to the quidditch pitches. It would bring him into the lead, (the girls had been going to use it to see the teachers run by) and, if he ran, hopefully none of the other teachers would catch him.

Merlin forbid if Albus had charmed people for cheating.

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>….<p><p>

What'cha think? :) please review... XD


	3. Hello, Kitty?

_Many thanks go out to 'Yue Sai' for helping me with a few costumes and plot ideas. Wouldn't have been able to do it without you. ;D_

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><p>Severus felt a faint tingling sensation as he rejoined the track; a corner before everyone else.<p>

"Sir?" A Slytherin started jogging beside him. "Isn't that, isn't that cheating sir?"

Severus smiled; "Sometimes, you, you gotta learn to- to do things, the easy way." He panted. "Besides, there's no way- that I'll ever, ever beat Minerva without-"

Severus was about to say cheating, but the swish of a short white skirt in front of his silenced him.

"how the cauldron did she get there?" He muttered, then agonisingly sprinted up to talk to her.

He frowned, as he caught up.

"He-hello, Sev'rus." Minerva panted.

"How-what?" Severus was confused. "Why have you, wrote, on your forehead?"

"What?" Minerva slowed down a bit; and Sev smiled. He really wanted his nice, cold, damp, dark dungeons back.

They were just coming to the top of the hill; the last leg of the race in view; the lake.

"What do you mean? What'v I got on my head?" Minerva said, breathless, placing a hand to her forehead gingerly as they walked for a bit.

Irma Pince ran up to them, in a blue chequered dress, with red shiny high-heels. "This is killing me." She said, then bent double, leaning on her knees getting her breath back.

"Nice socks." A Gryffindor remarked- for Irma's socks went above her knees, ending just before her skirt started; with cute little silk bows at the top.

Irma waved a hand distractedly at them.

"Oh I get it! Madam Pince- library-books-plays- 'The Wizard of Oz'! You're 'Dorothy'!" A Ravenclaw remarked.

Severus stared, frowning. "What the Potter are you on about?"He asked; as if the student had spoke Martian; or worse, muggle.

The student was about to respond, when he noticed both Minerva and Severus had marks on their foreheads. In shiny sky-blue ink.

"I... why do you have 'I love Albus' on your heads?" She asked; "no wait, I don't want to know!" She said, then walked off, hands in the air; trying to get rid of a **bad** mental image.

Minerva looked at Severus; who looked at Minerva, then they both burst out laughing.

"Ah, right. OK- I'll... leave you two to it." Irma said; regaining her breath, and staring the two hysterical teachers; before running off again.

Rolanda rounded the corner; with Albus, Remus, Filius, and a bunch of blue students that were joining in.

"SEVVY!" She yelled; throwing her hands in the air.

"How'd you two, get there?" Albus puffed, pushing back his hat a bit.

The two teachers atop the hill tried to keep a strait face, and hide their cheating 'punishment', but at that point Severus caught sight of another teacher, not too far behind Ro. and gang, and couldn't stop shaking with laughter.

It was Argus Filch, and he pointed him out to Minerva as soon a he spotted him. He was wearing an entire white outfit, with a tail at the back, and paws on his hands. The costume, at Argus's head, had little white cat ears, and a bow.

Minerva stared.

Argus was running in his typical way, knees up, and arms swinging wildly.

Albus reached Severus and Minerva and soon saw what they were looking at. "I think he makes a good Hello Kitty, don't you?" He then took off, following Irma.

Yet more laughs and giggles overtook the staff, including Rolanda, Remus and Filius.

Severus slowly swallowed his laughter, and took off; he simply had to beat Albus- especially now with what was wrote on his...

'Severus nil, Hill one.' Was broadcast in red ribbon for all to see; as Severus tumbled down the slope of the hill, landing neatly at Albus feet.

"Severus?" Albus chuckled, "are you alright?"

Severus woozily went to take Albus's hand to help him up.

"Sucker!" Severus sneered, as he pulled Albus down and ran ahead.

"The little cheat." Albus narrowed his eyes; yet a wide grin on his face gave him away.

The lake was only about a mile away when Minerva caught up with Severus, who was running quite fast, for him.

"hey." She panted, smiling.

"Filch..."Severus smiled, laughing again.

"Tha's takin' the mick something chronic." Minerva narrowed her eyes, thinking about her Animagus form.

Severus laughed again; "You shoulda' shoulda been 'hello kitty'" he laughed.

"Who?" Irma slowed down a tad, coming next to Severus.

"Filch is, is 'hello kitty'." Minerva smiled; the image was too funny!

Irma shook her head. She sighed a few barks of laughter, then stopped as they reached the waters edge.

"Now what?" She asked, watching. "I can't swim in heels."

The pile of folded clothing on a bench did not inspire confidence.

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><p><em>Next, and last chapter, next Thursday! Reviews are very welcome!<em>

_..And if you read and don't review- I'll chuck you in the race! :D_


	4. Smile for the Camera

_Sorry it took so long! I totally forgot! I know it's not my usual standard; but I feel rushed off my broomstick at the moment! Still; enjoy!_

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><p>Severus warily picked up an article of clothing.<p>

An unimpressed eyebrow was raised, as a nametag was on it.

Smirking slightly, he handed over the red, backless swimming costume to Irma, and a white tankini top and shorts to Minerva.

"Seems we're swimming now." He tried not to laugh, pulling off his trousers as he wore his own speedo's underneath.

Minerva frowned; but charmed the swimming gear to swap places with her tennis outfit.

Gingerly the three teachers (once Irma had changed with much grumbling) dipped their toes in the water.

Minerva, not liking water much anyway; rolled back her shoulders, and cast an engorgio charm on herself, till she was twice as tall as Snape.

"Um... Minerva?" Irma asked whilst Severus watched on.

Minerva smiled, quite an eerie sight, then tranformed into her animagus form.

A tabby cat the size of a tiger then bounded into the water; thoroughly splashing both teachers.

"THATS CHEATING!" Rolanda yelled, running down the slope to join them at the waters edge. "Hey Snape." She added, giving his backside a slap.

Without a fuss Rolanda charmed her top to switch with a pink bikini top, and already had bikini bum's on underneath.

Severus looked away as Albus found his swimming gear. Baaad mental image.

He raised his eyebrows at Irma quickly, in a sarcastic this-is-going-to-be-fun way, then waded into the water.

Wandlessly, he held out an arm. "Accio water potion" He commanded. Irma raised an eyebrow as the man downed bright blue sparkling liquid.

Severus squirmed slightly, his hands on his neck. "Same effect as Gillyweed." He rasped, before diving under the waves; determined not to let Minerva beat him.

Irma rolled her eyes; then with a last look at her red costume; that hardly had a stomach, just a red strip of fabric and a golden buckle-type thing for decoration; she started swimming breast stroke. She had no hope in hell. She knew it.

Back in shore, Remus and Filius gave each other a high five, or in their case, a low five as they walked past everyone else who was complaining at their costumes; and waded in, starting to swim in their baggies immediately.

Filch looked unimpressed when he was told by a grinning Dumbledore that his outfit was waterproof; so perfectly able to swim in. He then waved a hand at the "old coot." And jogged into the water, muttering to himself.

Pomona was talking excitedly to Hagrid; shades atop her head. Hagrid had a somewhat outdated swim-suit on; red with white stripes, beret still atop his head. Pomona had a similar thing except green with plants on it. This was somewhat less embarrassing.

Nodding atheistically, Hagrid held out a hand, and took the Gillyweed offered. "Yeh can pop round fer a slice o' cake anytime." He smiled, then stomped off into the water, splashing almost everyone.

Out in the deeper parts of the lake, the Giant Squid waved excitedly.

Dumbledore waved back from shore. He had traded in his bright hot-pants, for a Borat style mankini. Pink, of course.

_The students would be talking about this for months. _He smiled to himself.

Casting a bubble-head charm, he wondered how far along the people in first were. _Ah well, it's just a swim along the length of the school, then onto the shore the other side._

Giving an alarmingly cheerful smile to Sinestra, he waded in, and started swimming.

Up front; Minerva was doggy-(or should that be kitty) paddling her way to victory. Nothing could stop her-

_Oh. Severus. _She noticed his form under the water. _Damn. Pomona. _The witch was also under the water. The two seemed to be kicking and punching each other out the way, pushing off each other as they bypassed.

Minerva stopped paddling for a second and looked behind. Rolanda and Remus were close.

Severus chuckled as he passed Pomona for the hundredth time. She all but sat on his back and tickled him under the arms, pushing off his back with her feet to try and get some distance between them.

So naturally he pulled her back by the foot infront of his face, stole her glasses from the top of her head; and damn paddled for his life.

Only to be pulled back again by his pony-tail. _This isn't as boring as I thought it would be._ He thought; slapping the Herbology teacher round the face with a passing fish. _And there are no students here to see..._

Above the water; now behind Minerva but just infront of Rolanda and Remus floated an image, Pomona being backhanded round the face by a fish. Several Slytherins on the shore cheered, as they saw their Head of House holding the fish. '**Pomona nil- -Severus- fish one.**'Ribbony writing announced.

A few drops of rain began to fall as clouds rolled in.

Dumbledore frowned as members of staff glared at him. "Wasn't me!"

Rolanda screeched. "Ahh! I'm getting wet!"As rain fell on her.

Beside her Lupin stopped swimming; giving her a 'look'.

"Oh yeah." She giggled, splashing him. "I forgot."

Lupin shook his head, "women." He muttered.

Rolanda rolled her eyes. "Were-wolves." She giggled again as Remus growled, mockingly.

After what seemed like an eternity of pushing and shoving, Severus was finally ahead of Pomona, good thing to- because he'd run out of fish to slap her with.

She'd found plenty of weeds to decorate his hair with though..

He came up as his potion began to wear off, neck and neck with Minerva.

"You don't mind if I just-" With a powerful kick or two in front crawl, Severus overtook Minerva as the ribbon in the sea came into view, bobbing in the waves; announcing the finish line.

The lion sized Minerva growled, swatting Severus's splashing legs with a paw.

She transformed back into a normal sized person as her spell wore off; and a gasp behind her announced Pomona's charm had wore off too.

It was clear that although the teachers and staff had been spread out running; they were all clumped swimming.

Minerva and Severus at the front; Pomona, then Remus and Rolanda, Filius and Albus... right at the back was a sad little white kitty with a bow on her... his head.

Remus pushed forward between the two at the front, only to be slightly disheartened when they upped the pace for the final length.

It was almost impossible to tell who was winning, then Rolanda came crashing through the middle; basically climbing on everyone till Minerva rolled over dunking the unamused flight-mistress.

Loud cheers and whoops came from the shore, as a little way out to see three or four witches and wizards approached the line at the same time.

A stunned silence ensued as the ribbon wrapped around the being that had won.

Smugly, the victorious member of staff came back to shore; the others dragging themselves in trough the waves.

Some disheartened, some chuckling, Severus fuming, Albus in danger of passing out as he laughed silently; forgetting to breath.

A bubble appeared atop the croud, replaying in slow motion the final moments of the race.

Rolanda splashing into the water; Minerva shoving Severus out the way; Remus unable to keep up; Severus about to break through the line; and Cuthbert Binns casually floating above everyone else, above the water crossing the line.

The smug ghost held himself tall, "I, of course, had no doubts I would win." He announced, his voice low and monotonus; much like in class, but full of a pride and... life(?) unheard of before. "After all, I am the greatest wizard that ever lived... er.. died..." He said in relation to his costume.

He wore a false beard, white, like Dumbledore's; and low flowing midnight blue robes. A tall pointy hat graced his see-through head. Anyone from a wizarding heritage would recognise him as Merlin.

Minerva chuckled. The students followed her, seeing Severus, unamused; soaked; wearing nothing but Speedos; glaring at the ghost.

"Oh Merlin." He cursed, much to the amusement of many.

Some students noticed, later in the day; Minerva's i-love-albus mark on her head, and wondered whether she, like Severus, had cheated.

"Oh no." She replied, "No, I simply voiced my opinions for the Headmaster's hot pants." She smiled, then whispered to the students.

Her forehead then adorned itself with little hearts, and although they washed off the next day, the 'I heart AD' on the back of her hand did not.

The next morning, as usual, donations were given in; the student body largely returned to normal; the odd blue person to be seen.

Halfway through breakfast, Albus stood up beaming. "I would like to draw your attention to a wonderful new contraption." He beamed. "Outside the hall, we have a new noticeboard. Please feel free to take a look; there will be information about lessons, trips, charity events, and of course," Albus smiled down at his staff then looked back up to the student body, "pictures of the last ones."

Twittering teachers mumbled amongst themselves, whilst the students remained silent, knowing more was to come.

"Pictures can be purchased for a galleon each." The headmaster announced.

Contrary to the norm, it was not the students who rushed out their seats to inspect the pictures; it was the adults themselves.

By far the best few 'stills' (unmoving pictures) were Rolanda; a close up on her face as she fell backwards into the water, waves all about her face; Pomona, being slapped around the face with a fish; and Severus, laughing, tears flying out of his eyes and he bent double, Minerva behind him resting a hand on his shoulder, tears also flying from her laughing face. Both had declarations of their love for Albus upon their heads.

"A galleon a picture?" Squeaked Filius, "Bargin!" He signed his name on the almost-already-full list for a copy of each.

Severus simply shook his head, enraptured by the moving pictures of him falling; 'trees one, Severus nil' and so forth.

Minerva started horrified at a moving picture of her, running forward; in her tennis outfit; then how she turned around, jogging backwards to wink at the 'camera'.

Remus behind her smiled, "You were winking at Severus, correct?"

He yelped as Minerva started slapping him.

Albus smiled from the doorframe. _Yes... another charity event in about a month; maybe a halloween party or something..._


	5. Characters

_Albus's fun run. _

_Decided to upload my char. List. xD_

_Albus dumbledore = cook + pink shorts _

_minerva mcg = white tennis player _

_sevvy =male genie- black _

_remmy =swim baggies blue white palm trees _

_hagrid =french girl, skirt beret _

_pomona =black suit shades _

_rolanda =female genie-pink _

_filius =swim baggies rainbow _

_filch =hello kitty _

_cuthbert binns =merlin _

_irma pince=dorothy _

_bathsheba babbling(runes) _

_firenze? _

_silvanus kettleburn(CoMC) _

_aurora sinistra (astronomy) _

_septima vector (arithmancyF) _

_poppy=-_

_willy wonka? ← was going to have Albus as him.. maybe later... :D_


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